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Finding your way after leaving the cult of Scientology

Getting Zapped by the Wicked Witch of the West

Getting Zapped

Kathy Elliott has graced our site with another tale from the early days of her Scientology experience. The wrenching reality adjustment she experienced has been shared by many of us. It was her first taste of cult behavior and she worked her way through it and continued to make her way up the Bridge anyway.


What do you mean – Scientology has enemies?”

I was completely confused.

How could anything as harmless as Scientology have enemies? Who would want to attack something that helped people find answers to their questions about Life?

I’d been exposed to Scientology for only a few weeks. I was taking the Comm Course at the Honolulu Mission. The year was 1970 and the attitude at the mission was very laid back. The staff all seemed more like hippies than like people who were running a religious organization. The students coming to class in the evenings were a happy bunch, there to have fun learning about this new philosophy/religion.

No one – neither staff nor public – took any of it too seriously. We were all having a good time.

While hanging out at the mission, I’d made many new friends and one of these was a guy named Bob.

Bob was a trained auditor. He’d done the HSDC – the Hubbard Standard Dianetics Course – and, as a graduate of this course, he was qualified to audit metered Dianetics.

In the early days, the Bridge was a lot different than it is today. The HSDC was the first major auditor training course on the grade chart. A student of Scientology learned how to audit Dianetics using a Mark V e-meter before going on to do the Academy Levels where he would learn how to deliver the Grades. And, on the processing side of the grade chart, a PC received audited Dianetics before getting the Grades.

I really admired my new friend, Bob. Here was a guy who could work the magic of Scientology on others, bring them out of the depths of despair and into the sunshine of hope and happiness.

I hung on his every word and believed everything he told me about Scientology. I couldn’t get enough of his stories and his knowledge about the “secret” inner workings of the group I’d become a part of.

And Bob worked it. Looking back, I realize now that he was a really sick person who used his altitude as an auditor to create for himself a false position of power. He imparted information to me as though he were one of the privileged, chosen few who had been given access to this data and that he was conferring some special favor on me by sharing it. Most of it was pure bullshit.

Bob supported himself by driving a taxi and he didn’t make much money. He lived in a “staff house” in Makiki, a poor neighborhood in Honolulu. A “staff house” was usually a multi-bedroom rental unit where org staff members lived, sharing the expenses in order to be able to survive on low staff pay plus whatever income they could scrape together from “moonlighting”.

This staff house was run by a married couple, Bill and Mary.

Bob wanted me to meet Bill and Mary, who were the two of the top Scientologists in Hawaii at that time.

Bill was “old” OT VI and Mary was “old” OT VII. They had done their OT levels at St. Hill, and Mary was supposedly the first person on the planet to solo audit to Clear. They were also trained auditors.

Bill and Mary were on staff at the Hawaii Org, but they weren’t just ordinary staff members. They were members of the elite and mysterious Guardian’s Office, run by Mary Sue Hubbard to protect Scientology. Mary Sue was “the Guardian” of Scientology and, as such, was the head of the network of Assistant Guardians all over the Scientology world.

[From the Admin Dictionary: “Guardian’s Office – They have the guardianship and the defense of Scientology in general. The purpose of that organization is basically protection.” – 7003C15 SO]

Bill was the AG (Assistant Guardian) and Mary was the AGI (Assistant Guardian Information) for the state of Hawaii.

In the process of giving me all this background data on Bill and Mary, Bob had to explain the reason for the creation of the Guardian’s Office. It seemed that Scientology had enemies.

What do you mean – Scientology has enemies?” I had asked Bob, completed bewildered.

And Bob had proceeded to give me his “inner circle” version of the enemies who were trying to destroy Scientology.

I was at once horrified and fascinated.

And I was vastly impressed with both Bill and Mary even before meeting them.

In my eyes, they were like the heroes and heroines in the Tolkein series, fighting against the Dark Forces of Middle Earth.

I was invited to have dinner with Bill and Mary at the staff house, and Mary and I immediately became close friends. She was an easy-going, comfortable person who talked a lot – and I do mean A LOT. She captivated me with her stories of what it had been like getting trained and receiving auditing at St. Hill when LRH was in residence there.

Bill was more reserved. He was tall, quiet and extremely dignified. He looked like an attorney or a doctor or the CEO of a large corporation. He was obviously a power to be reckoned with.

Once I got to know them, it was easy to see why these two intelligent and dynamic people had become the top opinion leaders of the Hawaii Scientology community.

They really cared about Scientology and they really believed that it was the answer to all of Man’s ills. They were dedicated to ensuring that Scientology was protected and safe in the state of Hawaii. As far as I was concerned, they could do no wrong.

As staff members, they received token pay from the Hawaii Org. They had turned their home into a staff house, taking in four borders, in order to make the monthly rent payment. Bill had an early morning paper route but had been unable to find any other way to supplement his income. Mary had two young sons and was a stay-at-home mom when she wasn’t on post at the org. She wasn’t bringing in any income other than the pittance she received from the org.

While it made no sense to me that two OTs couldn’t solve the everyday problems of making ends meet, I only admired them more for apparently giving up a normal and comfortable life so that they could serve the greater good of Scientology.

Then Bill was sent to St. Hill for further training. As the AG Hawaii, he held the post of AGF (Assistant Guardian Finance) from above. He had never been hatted for this post, so he was packed off to St. Hill to be trained on all the finance policies.

A young woman named Jocelyn was appointed as the Acting Assistant Guardian, to hold Bill’s post in his absence.

Jocelyn was thin and angular. She wore long, black, flowing dresses and literally looked like a young witch. She never smiled, and you could feel the ice in her heart from a hundred yards away. She stalked around the org, looking for “bad” people doing “bad” things – a trait that many of the current OSA staff members exhibit.

While Bill was away in England, Mary had a hard time of it, trying to keep things from falling apart on the home front.

Eventually Bill completed his training and returned to Hawaii. Unfortunately, in their enthusiasm over being reunited after the long separation, they got a little careless and Mary became “hapai” (Hawaiian for “pregnant”.)

The financial pressure on Bill was reaching a breaking point. Something had to be done.

Bill took a leave of absence from his post as AG so that he could handle his family’s desperate financial needs. Jocelyn again became the Acting AG.

While casting about looking for a way to generate income, Bill got a brilliant idea. With all the financial policy training under his belt, he realized that he had something of value that he could exchange with the world. He started a business hatting others on how to understand and apply the financial principles he had just learned.

Back in those days, there was no such thing as WISE (or if there was, none of us were aware of it in Hawaii). “Selling” Scientology admin procedures was something new. In fact, Bill may have been one of the first to do it.

I thought it was a fantastic idea, and I became one of his first customers.

I paid him several hundred dollars, and he showed me how to do an FP and how to handle my finances so that I would have reserves, get out of debt and just generally understand and handle money better.

By this time, I had done everything I could do at the mission. I started getting some auditing at the Hawaii Org and became “org public”. I had no clue that I now “belonged” to the org.

Shortly after Bill started his new business, Jocelyn discovered what he was doing.

Bill hadn’t felt that he had to hide his new business from her. It was just that he was so busy desperately bailing water out of his sinking boat that he hadn’t had time to discuss things with her. And he never thought she would give a rat’s ass what he was doing as long as he handled his situation and got back on post.

So he was flabberghasted when Jocelyn called a Committee of Evidence on him.

This was the first time I’d heard about this kind of ethics and justice action within the church.

It was very confusing to me that Bill couldn’t use what he’d learned in Scientology to help others and make some money for himself in the process.

I soon discovered that Bill was in really serious trouble. I didn’t understand why.

As far as I was concerned Bill was a good guy, he really cared about Scientology and he really cared about helping others with it.

To me, this Committee of Evidence thing seemed like something straight out of Nazi Germany. Suddenly Scientology didn’t seem so warm and fuzzy anymore.

Then it was discovered that I had gone to Bill as a customer and had paid money for financial advice.

I was called before the Committee of Evidence and questioned. Why had I gone to Bill for this service? Why hadn’t I gone to the org for this advice? Didn’t I know that I was “org public” and had to come to the org for all my Scientology services?

I was completely confused. As far as I knew, the org wasn’t offering financial training or advice. And what difference did it make where I got the help? The Gestapo-like questioning truly alarmed and terrified me.

The Committee of Evidence found Bill guilty of his “crimes”, and he was stopped from delivering his services. He had some sort of ethics program to complete and until he had done this, he was no longer in good standing with the org.

Jocelyn became the official AG for the Hawaii Org. Too late, Bill and Mary realized that Jocelyn had just pulled off a coup. Now she was in power and no one could touch her since no one in Hawaii had authority over her. All of her orders came directly from Mary Sue who was thousands of miles away in England.

A few days later I was called into the org to see the ethics officer.

The young girl holding this post, Mandy, was very sweet, kind, caring and friendly. I liked her a lot.

We squeezed into the ethics interview room – a space so small that you couldn’t swing a mouse in there, let alone a cat.

Mandy got right to the point. I was going to have to choose between the org and Bill.

I was completely taken aback. I didn’t want to stop coming to the org, and I didn’t want to stop being friends with Bill and Mary. There was no way I was going to make a choice between the two, and I saw absolutely no reason why I should!

I exploded.

I can’t choose between the org and Bill! I might as well just drive my car off the Pali!”

The Pali is a famous cliff face on the island of Oahu with a sheer drop of over a thousand feet. Driving one’s car over the Pali would, of course, be fatal.

Naturally, I had no intention of driving off the Pali. I was simply using this gross exaggeration to make a point. It was my way of communicating how I felt about the choice I’d just been given.

Mandy obviously didn’t know how to handle my origination. I guess she had expected me to quietly agree to dump my friends like last week’s stinky garbage.

I have to go talk to someone,” she told me nervously. “Go and wait in reception.”

I went and sat in reception. For a while I was entertained by the receptionist who was collecting money for toilet paper from all of us who were waiting there.

I waited.

And waited.

And waited.

Mandy finally came to get me. We returned to the tiny ethics interview room.

Mandy was no longer nice. She had two bright pink spots on her cheeks and she didn’t look happy at all. Her attitude toward me had changed completely. All my instincts told me that she had been talking to someone who had put her through the wringer and that it had been a pretty horrible experience for her. It was like she’d had a “meet Jesus” talk with someone.

She told me stiffly that because I “had threatened to drive off the Pali”, I was being declared PTS Type III, and that if I wanted to receive any more services from the org, I would have to sign a suicide release.

I was dumbfounded. What had happened that had caused Mandy to change so drastically? Then it dawned on me. I knew where Mandy had gone and who she had talked to – she’d been to see the icy witch, Jocelyn.

By having me declared PTS Type III, Jocelyn was effectively discrediting me in the eyes of every Scientologist in Hawaii who would read the “goldenrod” when it was issued and distributed.

I would be viewed as “insane” and no one would want to listen to my viewpoint about what I had witnessed regarding the unfair treatment of Bill. They would believe Jocelyn. After all, she held the lofty post of AG Hawaii.

This was my “punishment” for standing up for Bill.

I left the org in shock and disbelief, completely humiliated, afraid to look anyone in the eye. I vowed I’d never return and that I’d never talk to anyone at the org ever again.

Jocelyn had won. She’d gotten rid of Bill and she’d gotten rid of the only person who had taken a stand in his behalf.

Jocelyn had effectively removed everyone in her way.

And she’d done it using LRH’s tech.

On the surface of it, she was “right”. She was apparently backed up by LRH himself.

There was no way to fight back.

Because I’d been declared PTS Type III by such a high authority in Scientology, I started to question my own sanity and I actually began to believe that I WAS crazy.

I’d been zapped by the Wicked Witch of the West. Burnt to a crisp. A mere cinder.

Out in the real world, Bill and Mary laughed it off.

Bill got a good job and Mary had healthy baby boy.

They flourished and prospered.

They advised me to get on with my life and forget about Jocelyn.

At first this was difficult. I believed unquestioningly that I had been determined “insane” by someone who knew the tech and that therefore I must be “insane”. This datum was in serious conflict with the fact that I was a successful systems analyst for one of the biggest companies in Hawaii – something I couldn’t possibly be if I were truly PTS Type III. Trying to resolve these two conflicting data made my head spin.

Eventually, I followed Bill and Mary’s example. I went to work day after day where my co-workers all treated me like I was a normal person. No one there thought I was insane.

I laughed.

I played.

Life was fun again – just like it had been before I’d been zapped by the Wicked Witch of the West.

Months later, we got the word. Jocelyn had continued to suppress all the “bad” people on staff and in the field, and she had finally gone too far. When enough negative reports had piled up against her, she had been officially declared an SP, removed from post and routed out of the org, never to harm anyone in the church again.

All the people that Jocelyn had shot down came out of hiding and calmly continued to make progress up the Bridge like nothing had happened.

This was my first lesson in how the power of Scientology, in the wrong hands, can be used to really mess people up.

And I learned that you don’t have to go along with it. You’re only messed up if you believe you’re messed up.

That is just as true today as it was 45 years ago!


Number of views:7906

It Wasn’t All Bad

Kathy Elliott reminds us that many of us experienced miracles during our early years in Scientology. The story of her first exposure to Ruth Minshull and Scientology illustrates the power that was resident in so many Missions at one time.


Mommy, I forgot to put on my underwear,” my six-year old daughter, Laurel, wailed as I pulled up at the school to drop the kids off.

It’s okay, honey,” I reassured her. “I’ll take you home and we’ll get them.”

I was already running late but what else could I do?

Are you mad at me?” she asked miserably, looking at me through tear-filled eyes.

How could I be mad at her? It wasn’t her fault. I’d been in such a hurry to get the three kids and myself ready for school and work that she’d just gotten swept up in the mad rush to get out the door.

We drove home, I found a pair of underwear in a pile of clean laundry that had yet to put away and returned to the school. Laurel and her twin sister, Karen, ran off to join their friends on the playground under the huge monkeypod trees which dwarfed the low, one-story buildings of the Waianae Valley Elementary school.

Then off to the nursery school to deliver my four-year old daughter, Lorna.

With the kids safely in the keeping of their Japanese teachers, I hit the highway for the 40-mile commute into Honolulu where I worked at Amfac, one of Hawaii’s “Big Five” companies, as a computer programmer.

The year was 1970 and at age 25 I was a single mom raising my three little girls with no help – financial or otherwise – from their father who had disappeared shortly after the divorce was final.

I had ended up in Hawaii because that was where my ex’s parents lived. Toward the end of my up and down relationship with their son, they had had to step in and offer me and the kids a place to stay while I got back on my feet.

We lived in Waianae, a small town on the leeward side of the island of Oahu. The place was so sleepy and backward that it didn’t even boast a stop light or a major supermarket. We lived in a tiny house that had once been a plantation worker’s home which I rented for only $100 a month. It was located way up Waianae Valley Road at the base of the Waianae Mountains.

It was a great place to raise kids.

Unfortunately, I didn’t have a clue HOW to raise kids. I was continuously a frazzled mess and I was just faking my way through each day with its new set of child-raising problems.

And my worst problem was how to help Laurel.

Laurel had always been very shy. As the younger twin (by 6 minutes), she allowed her older twin to dominate her and speak for her. Her sister generally “ran” the duo as though she owned both their bodies. Laurel was a mere shadow around her sister.

Ever since she had been a toddler, Laurel had been a “troubled” child, waking up at night screaming and crying uncontrollably, her body rigid with intense emotion. Nothing I did worked to comfort her or get her to relax.

As she grew older, the “stiff fits” ceased but Laurel became more and more introverted and withdrawn.

I could program mainframe computers, but I was all at sea when it came to raising kids in general. And helping my daughter Laurel was a problem I couldn’t solve.

Then one day, my ex-mother-in-law presented me with a book which she had found for sale on the counter of dress shop in Waikiki. It was called “Miracles for Breakfast – A Startling New Approach to Raising Children” by Ruth Minshull.

PARENTHOOD: How to avoid total ruin. You’ll cry a little . . . you’ll laugh a lot . . . and, we’ll bet a bag of marbles you’ll make some changes around your house. Learn the secrets of good communication with your child, whether newborn baby or teenager.”

Ms. Minshull’s style of writing was delightful and humorous.

Her child-raising techniques were all based on something called Scientology and everything she talked about made a lot of sense to me. I tried using her methods and found that life with kids became less stressful, less confusing and a lot more fun!

I was dying to learn more about Scientology and was just on the verge of writing to the publisher in Ann Arbor, MI when I stumbled upon the Scientology Mission of Honolulu quite by accident. Driving down Kapiolani Blvd. in Honolulu one afternoon, I saw a sign that read “SCIENTOLOGY” over a doorway leading to an upstairs office over a row of little shops.

I parked my car and mounted the steep, carpeted stairs to the upper floor, wondering what I would find.

At the top of the stairs there was a small desk where a stunningly beautiful girl sat. She was small and thin and delicate with long chestnut brown hair. She looked more like a wood nymph than a real human being. Her name was Maggie Kris.

Standing by the desk was a delightfully gentle and quiet man whom Maggie introduced to me as Roger Taylor. Both Maggie and Roger were dressed more like hippies than like conventional business people. They were both very laid back and easy to be around.

Maggie led me into the office of the lady who ran the mission, Norma Maier. Norma was an older woman, wearing a long, flowing Hawaiian muu muu dress. Norma greeted me warmly, and I felt immediately relaxed and comfortable in this new and strange environment. Norma showed me around the rooms with their pale blue walls and thick, deep blue carpets.

I explained to her about how I had read Ruth Minshull’s book and said that I wanted to find out more about Scientology.

Norma told me about the beginning course, The Communications Course, which was held three evenings a week on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays. I paid the $25 fee and agreed to be back the next evening to start the course.

The course instructor was a man named Wil Hubbard (no relation to LRH). Back in 1970 the comm course was a lot different than what it evolved into later. There was no course pack, no checksheet and nothing really to “study”. It was fun!

For the first part of the evening, Wil would lecture to us about Scientology basics; things like the ARC triangle and the comm formula and even about how each of us was an immortal being called a “thetan”.

After Wil’s lectures, we would all take our places in chairs facing each other and, armed only with a copy of the TRs bulletin, we would go at it.

I loved it! I soaked it all up like a giant sponge.

I started using what I learned at work – with amazing results!

Up until then, I’d been a brilliant programmer, but my “people skills” sucked the giant green weenie. Unfortunately, I had to interact with the end-users of the programs I was creating and I was no good at this. I was basically pretty shy (like my daughter Laurel) and was extremely uncomfortable trying to function in the world of big business outside of my cubicle at work.

Applying the principles of the ARC triangle and the comm formula to my situation at work, I soon became not only good at interpersonal relationships at work – I became the best out of all the programmers and systems analysts in the whole IT section.

Amfac had many subsidiaries – hotels, department stores, financial institutions, sugar plantations, travel agencies – and was also the GE distributor for the islands. With my new ability to communicate easily with practically anyone, I was promoted to the position of systems analyst for the financial institutions, Amfac Financial and Hawaii Leasing.

The managers and staff of these two companies loved me because I listened to them, I duplicated exactly what they wanted from their computer systems, and I gave them what they wanted. No one else had ever done this for them. They acted like what I did was miraculous, but to me it was so simple. Using the ARC triangle data and the skills I’d learned from the comm course was easy and fun!

And of course my new skills were helping me to be a better mom. I now understood how important it was to my girls to have at least one person in their lives who would listen to them and acknowledge them. I realized that this was the single most important thing that I could do for my kids: To be there as a terminal and listen and duplicate and acknowledge. However, my precious little girl, Laurel, was still a shy and introverted shrinking violet.

About a week into the comm course, Norma approached me and told me that the mission was offering a comm course for kids and she wanted to know if my children would like to do it. I naturally said,” YES!” The course was to be given on Tuesday and Thursday evenings.

So two days a week I would drive 40 miles to work each morning, 40 miles home to collect the three girls, 40 miles back to Honolulu for the kids’ comm course and then 40 miles home again. This wasn’t as onerous as it sounds. Back in those days the commuter traffic between Honolulu and the towns on Oahu’s leeward shore was almost nil and the drive was incredibly beautiful.

The kids loved the children’s version of the comm course. I never sat in the room where Norma delivered the course, but the girls told me all about it. My understanding of it was that Norma explained in very simple terms the basic concepts of the comm formula to the kids and then they did simple drills like rolling a ball back and forth to each other to get the idea of a comm particle going from “cause” to “effect”. They loved it!

I remember one evening when Norma opened the door of the room at the end of class. The three girls burst out, running and laughing and screaming with delight. I instantly tried to quiet them, thinking they were being too loud. Norma just laughed and told me not to worry. She said, “Their havingness is up.” I had no idea what she meant but I got the idea that this was a good thing.

All three kids were happier than they had ever been.

But still Laurel had something holding her back in the shadow of her sister, shy and quiet.

Fast forward about seven years.

I had the HQS course under my belt and knew that I wanted to be an auditor “when I grew up”. I now saw auditing as the cure for everything, and I was eager to start auditing my children.

I had found a 13 page “bulletin” (Issue 14-G of “Scientology” April 1953) called Child Scientology in volume II of the tech volumes. I was fascinated by it! This was something I could do NOW to help my kids. It employed the Self Analysis lists in a different way than the standard way that I had learned how to use them on the HQS course.

In the Child Scientology version, you have the kids “mock up” instead of “recall”. A sample command would be, “All right. Now let’s see if we can get a picture of you enjoying something.” Using the Self Analysis lists as a guide, you only choose those items in the lists which would be appropriate for delivery to children. The child creates or imagines an image of himself enjoying something instead of recalling an incident where he enjoyed something. In the bulletin, LRH encourages the reader to use the process on groups of children everywhere.

I jumped in and started running this process on my kids as a group for 15 minutes a day as recommended in the bulletin.

After about three weeks, I realized that I had created a monster!

Previously, the girls had spent a lot of time watching TV. They would easily get bored and then would drop down tone and fight with each other. You know, like all kids do!

Not anymore! The three girls began to CREATE! Using cardboard that they found in the trash, they built a castle that covered the entire floor of their bedroom. It had at least a dozen rooms. They filled the rooms with cardboard furniture. They then proceeded to create their own dolls and doll clothes out of scrap material from my sewing basket. There were no stops. If they needed something for their castle or their dolls, they simply created it from “found” materials.

And miracle of miracles, they stopped fighting!

I later discovered that Laurel had been the one to instigate this vast and complicated project. For a change, she had been the leader and the other two had been the followers.

Years before, I had purchased a cheap guitar for the kids, hoping they would take an interest in music. I’d also found very simple self-instruction guitar book. Both of these things had been collecting dust in a closet, forgotten and unused.

Shortly after starting the kids’ Scientology process, Laurel picked up the guitar and started playing it, using the book to teach herself. She kept at it and got really good – in only a few weeks! She started singing, too. I was flabbergasted. I couldn’t believe this was the same kid that I’d been so worried about all those years.

Meanwhile at school, things were changing drastically for her. The shy little girl who had followed one step behind her twin sister stepped out into the sunshine and started to blossom.

She had friends and she was having fun in school for the first time in her life. She became the teacher’s pet in more than one of her classes.

The auditing put me on the road to a new me,” Laurel told me recently when I asked her about how the auditing had helped her.

She became her own person to such a degree that she started to argue with her teachers as though she were on an equal footing with them. She was in 9th grade, 14 years old.

Laurel’s social studies teacher had given the kids an assignment to write an essay on one of two topics: defending the legalization of marijuana or defending the use of capital punishment. Laurel didn’t agree with either one of these things at the time, so she approached the teacher after class and told him how she felt.

I argued my point using good comm and high ARC, but he refused to let me write a paper on why I was against either one,” she told me.

In the end, Laurel wrote an essay expressing her viewpoint on both topics and why she was against both of them. The teacher gave her a “C” but this didn’t bother Laurel because she’d done what she believed was right.

Her math teacher wasn’t so lenient. He was an older man with teaching methods from the Dark Ages. The kids in the class couldn’t understand him and when they asked him to explain what he had said, he simply repeated exactly what he had just said. The kids were just as baffled as they had been the first time he explained it.

Laurel saw what was happening and went to the man and told him what she had observed – that he was simply repeating himself instead of explaining the problems to the kids. He didn’t want to hear it. So Laurel, who understood the subject very well, started teaching the other kids on her own. When the teacher discovered this, he had Laurel transferred out of his class. It was water off a duck’s back to her. Laurel didn’t care.

Meanwhile, out in the school yard during the lunch break, life was not safe for the good, “upstat” kids who didn’t belong to a gang. In most middle schools in Hawaii, there were gangs made up of the “local” kids. These kids had been taught to hate haolis (white kids). They also resented kids from any race who were intelligent and “better off” than the poverty-stricken locals. And, in this particular middle school, the local kids outnumbered the other kids about 10 to 1. The gangs all had their special places in the school yard where they hung out and woe be to any non-gang member who wandered into their territory.

Laurel formed her own group made up of the non-gang kids. The only place left for them to hang out and not get beaten up was a secluded spot between the sidewalk and the corner of the school building that housed the principal’s office.

The principal soon became aware that a group of kids was meeting there regularly and this annoyed him. He descended on the group one afternoon and told them they couldn’t meet there because they were hidden from the view of the teacher on monitor duty.

Laurel stood her ground.

Look at us,” she ordered the man. “We’re the good kids. We don’t cause trouble. We don’t need to be watched. Besides, there’s nowhere else for us to go. It’s not safe for us out there,” she told him, waving a hand at the gang-infested areas of the school yard.

Well, you’re being too loud and you’re right outside my office,” argued the principal, trying to keep his altitude with this out-spoken adolescent.

We’ll be quieter,” Laurel promised the man. He walked off, pissed, but completely stymied by this young girl’s confidence and logical arguments.

The kids continued to meet in their safe spot. The teacher who roamed the yard checked up on them periodically but generally left them alone.

Looking back, almost 40 years later, Laurel says that the turning point of her life was those 15-minute sessions that I gave her.

Before the sessions, I was living in a scary world in my head, afraid and cringing,” Laurel told me when I interviewed her recently for this story. “After the auditing, I was no longer living with depression and fears. I no longer felt like crying. Instead of being afraid of my future, I was creating my future. THAT describes best what the process did for me: I started creating a theta future.”

A simple process, applied for 15 minutes a day for a few weeks, changed the lives of my daughters.

And for one of them, it changed her life so drastically that she went from a completely introverted, frightened little girl with big sad eyes to an outgoing, loud, self-assertive, confident, happy, loving and caring young woman.

So what’s the point of my story?

Simply this.

Scientology was fun. And some of it was just plain miraculous.

We all found some bright and shiny gems while belonging to this group. We wouldn’t have stayed so long if we hadn’t.

Go back and look through all the shit and find your gems.

Dig them out, clean them off and enjoy them.

And, who knows, maybe someday you can use them.

Imagine what would happen if you did.

As for me, I think I might just start creating some miracles in the lives of other kids like Laurel.


Number of views:12573

Self-Destruction at Its Best

Another exposé of the true state of Hubbard Technology by Kathy Elliott. Her experiences parallel mine and that of many others who attempted to follow the “tech” as it was written. The technical reason for our failure to get repeatable results on these e-meter drills appears at the end of the article.

“Is the date besquirreling-2cd8g0gfore 1990?”

No read on my meter.

“After 1990?”

Again, no read on my meter.

“Is the date 1990?”

And, once again, no read on my meter. Just a slow, creeping rise of the needle as my coach’s eyes glazed over.

I threw my pen down on the table and sagged back in my chair.

This had been going on for over an hour with no results. I just couldn’t continue.

My coach slowly surfaced from the mesmerized condition that he’d settled into and blinked. He looked dazed and puzzled. He had no clue what to do. He’d had no auditor training and, of course, had never done any of the e-meter drills. He was a student from the theory course room who’d been cajoled into holding the cans for me in exchange for my help later with one of his drills on the Student Hat Course.

“FLUNK!!!” snapped Bill, the course supervisor, who had spotted my slouched position and total lack of activity.

“What’s going on here?” he asked more kindly but with a touch of frustration in his voice.

“I just can’t keep doing this!” I cried. “I’ve been on this drill for three weekends now, and I’m not getting anywhere with it.” I was almost in tears. For three weekends – six whole days – I’d been beating this drill to death. Or, more accurately, it had been beating me.

If you’ve ever done The Hubbard Professional Metering Course, you know what I’m talking about.


Number of views:21362

Did You Ever Wonder About OTs?

Kathy Elliott has favored us again with a story from her life as a recovering Scientologist. You have read her stories of life in the Sea Org written while she was under the radar and using the pen name of Theodora Farnsworth. This story is from the period after leaving staff but before leaving the church to become a free being. Fair warning to new readers, there are some Scientology terms in her story.

http://www.dreamstime.com/stock-photos-disapproval-image1359933I could hear the screams coming all the way from the classroom down the hall. It sounded like 8 year old Bryan again.

As his teacher half led, half dragged him along, the sounds grew louder and louder.

“NOOOOO!!!” Bryan wailed.

I listened as they progressed down the hall. Then they seemed to get hung up. I peered around the door into the hallway.

They had reached the iron railings of the stairwell leading down to the floor below. Bryan had wrapped his little hands around the black metal poles and was clinging desperately to them like an octopus.

I watched as his teacher disgustedly pried his grubby fingers loose from death grip on the railings and got him moving again. It was like an Upper Indoc drill gone horribly wrong. I tried really hard not to laugh out loud.

The teacher, her hair and clothes in complete disarray, dragged the little boy the last few yards onto the porch where my “office” was located.

It was 1986 and I was the ethics officer for Mace-Kingsley’s lower school and my workspace was a folding table and chair on a wide, covered porch on the second floor of the school building.

Bryan sank in a sobbing heap onto the floor at my feet.

“Are you sure you can handle him?” the teacher asked looking at the child with obvious aversion. She sounded apologetic for having brought me this “problem”.

And of course, to her, Bryan was a “problem”. She obviously had no clue how to handle him other than to get him out of her space.

She was okay with kids as long as they sat quietly at their desks like little robots but once they went over the edge like Bryan obviously had, she was helpless – and hopeless – and heartless. Bryan had become a “thing” to be gotten rid of so that she could get back to her classroom of perfect little angels.

“Don’t worry. We’ll be just fine,” I assured her, hoping she would just leave quickly.

She scuttled away without a backward glance.


Number of views:21318

Do Independent Scientologists need a Central Organization?

(This post was originally published in 2010 and events have shown that a central organization has not been needed for practitioner success)

http://www.dreamstime.com/royalty-free-stock-images-abandoned-business-building-office-glass-big-city-image34539099I think this is an entirely proper questions to ask ourselves as we approach the tipping point where more people will choose to become independent than endure the suppression that comes with being a cult member.

Why have a central organization unless it can provide a service that individual practitioners can’t do alone?

I listed out a few major functions that exist in the CofS today and tried to assign responsibility to fit the needs of the independent field.  I created the following table and endeavored to fill in the blanks. After one pass, a pattern seemed to emerge that indicated a strong central organization was unnecessary.

Take a look at this table and see what you think:

(A project team is formed by individual practitioners working remotely.)
FUNCTION                                            CENTRALIZED             LOCALIZED

Public Relations                                     by a project team        By Practitioner
Legal Rudiments                                    Advisory team             Practitioner
Technical Research                               Project team                 Practitioners
Organizational research                      Project team                 Sign off by practitioners
Legal Threats                                           Project team                  supported by Practitioners
Best practices                                          Project team                  sign off by practitioners
Handling Complaints                           advisory group              Practitioners
Auditor Certification                           project teams                  Apprenticing
Qual Functions                                       Regional resources       Practitioners
Network coordination                         Regional reps
Practice organization                           advisory group               Practitioners
Pricing of services                                 advisory group                Practitioner

After taking a few swings at the idea of organizing the field, I saw a pattern emerging for me anyway.
Any central function should be performed by teams made up of networked  individuals. I see little need for a central organization with a large permanent staff. Web video conferences are easy to organize and provide face-to-face contact for people working on projects together.

The project teams are remotely based and consist of individual practitioners or family members who work on specific projects via web-based meetings and email. Project leaders are elected, as are project secretaries. All work is done by individual practitioners or their delegates.

Who pays them? Who pays people who work on Linux or any of a dozen open source projects. They volunteer to serve because they need something that they cannot produce alone. They also get credit for working on the final product and they get to steer the development in a direction that makes sense to their organization or themselves.

The way we will probably develop this organization is by using an organic model. A problem will arise and a few people will team up to handle the problem and disseminate the results. They will immediately become the go-to guys for handling the fallout from handling the problem and after a few iterations, they will become a standing committee to deal with the same or similar problems.

If the product of the team effort is something that can be exchanged for money, it is easy to set up a PayPal donation button to cover the expenses of  producing and shipping the product whether it is a downloadable file or a booklet or a package of handy forms.

If the product does not require a team effort, I would expect that the practitioner who develops a product for other practitioners will market it himself. Of course, the practitioner might also license the central org to market and distribute his product and get royalties without taking himself off production lines.

As the independent field grows, there will be a growing demand for new meters, distance auditing accessories, and technical documentation. There are plenty of independents who can handle the manufacture and distribution of these items and who are not auditors. I think there are many auditors who will wish to continue auditing and are willing to have others help them make money by selling the products they have developed.

I can also see business people in the independent field being willing to partner up with auditors so that the products they manufacture and sell have the approval and support of working practitioners.

Note that these last examples do not require a central organization but they will eventually cause a central organization to form as business people tend to form national organizations by teaming up with competitors to control and stabilize growing markets and to ward off government interference.

The bottom line is that there is no place for a central organization unless it can carry its weight by helping individual practitioners make money.

DM has never run a business so he does not understand the vital necessity of keeping that exchange in. The CofS Int Management core talks of booming the church, but every action cannibalizes the individual orgs and drives their stats down and penalizes producing staff.

A central organization that becomes a burden on the actively producing parts of the organization will eventually be overthrown.

If we have a central organization, it must remain lean and mean and act in a way that makes it absolutely essential to the growth of individual practitioners.

Over to you…

Number of views:18485

A Story for Those Flying Under the Radar. . .

Another independent surfaces after years of flying under the radar. She is enjoying her new freedom immensely. You have been enjoying her stories written under her pen name of Theodora Farnsworth and today you will hear the rest of her story. ~David St Lawrence

Kathy Elliot

By “Theodora Farnsworth”

My Dear Ones,

I know that there are many of you reading this who are flying under the radar.

That is, you’ve “left” the church but no one knows about it and you are successfully avoiding detection.

I, too, have been doing that for over 4 years.

I was on lines at LA Org from late 1996 until the basics came out in the summer of 2007.

Ever since I had discovered Scientology in 1970 and had experienced a tremendous win delivering Op Pro by Dup to my twin on the HQS Course, I had wanted nothing more than to become a trained auditor and to spend the rest of my days helping others to live better, happier lives.

In 1996, I received an inheritance and plunked down $35,000 for my training package at LA Org.

I felt so fortunate – at the time – that the Golden Age of Tech had just been released and that I was going to benefit from this wonderful new training lineup.

I eagerly started on the Student Hat and for the next 11 years I attended course in the LA Org Academy EVERY weekend, only taking a break to go for an “OT Debug” on the Freewinds.

You would think that I should have made it out the other end as a fully trained Class V auditor after 11 years of training but, sadly, no.

Maybe on the “old” course checksheets this would have been the happy result but not so with the Golden Age of Tech.

After 11 years of struggling, I had had enough. I routed myself to Qual and demanded a study debug session. This was duly delivered and I handled all of the upsets and frustrations that had piled up in the past decade of training. It felt GREAT!!!

I originated that I wanted to do the Book One course in Div 6 and just audit people without all the complications of an emeter, etc. until I had certainty that I could do this one simple action.

It was while I was happily studying in Div 6 that the Basics came out.

I had to start the Book One course all over using the new book, and of course I had to pay for the new course since the old one was no longer valid. I protested but no one wanted to hear it.

I completed this course and was ready to return to my Academy training.

Whoa, Speedy! Not so fast!

I was informed that I would have to do ALL the Book Courses for ALL the books that been on my Academy Level checksheets. And, of course, I would have to pay for these courses.

I grimly bit the bullet, flew through the courses and was finally ready to resume training.

Ha! Dream on, Grasshopper.


Number of views:34732

A change will do you good – an article by Chris Shelton

Chris Shelton has been out of the church of Scientology since late 2013 and has been writing thought-inspiring articles since then in his capacity of Critical Thinker at Large. He is one of the new generation of independent thinkers I would like to hear more from while he still has the desire to tell what he learned from his time in Scientology.

It is almost impossible to keep writing about church insanity after a while because those of us who have done it for a few years begin to develop other interests and move on to other areas of endeavor. I encourage those of you who would like to tell what you have learned from your time in Scientology to send me articles as there is a continuing demand for stories and some of us older writers are beginning to run out of material and want to get on with our lives.

Now, let us hear from Chris Shelton:

  Chris Shelton article 18 Oct 2014“Progress is impossible without change,and those who cannot change their minds cannot change anything” – George Bernard ShawLooking at the ex-Scientology community, the blogs and video channels and Facebook groups, I would say that I have put out my fair share of articles and videos about the abuses and darker sides of the Scientology experience.Frankly, there has been so much to say that I haven’t yet suffered from anything like writer’s block. Scientology is the gift that keeps on giving when it comes to oppression, deception and abuse.But there is a point to all this and it’s not just to be a critic for the rest of my life. These articles and the videos I make are a form of catharsis and as much as I’m informing and helping others, I’ve also been helping myself.Given that my life is about to take a dramatic turn for the better, with yet another huge change taking place right now as I write this, I thought I’d take a few moments to talk about how my life has changed for the better since I left Scientology last year.It can’t really be said enough, so let me start off by again saying that life is so much better now that I’m not a Scientologist. I’m writing this for those who may have also recently (or not so recently) come out of a cult-like environment. Maybe my experiences with this can help you too.
Number of views:25067

You think this might be too good to be true?

A reader sent me this ad from the Razzline today and I thought I had fallen into an alternate universe!

Here is a mission (Life Enhancement Center) that claims it is doing so well it is paying staff $1000 to $2000 a week!

South Coast MissionPublication Date: 23 Sep 14

26981 Vista Terrace Suite A

Lake Forest, California 92630

Looking to hire D/ED, Executives, Ethics Officer, Qual Sec, Purif IC!! Can make between $1000-$2000 per week!!! Call Us
Contact Name: Sean Dernehl
Contact Phone: 949-297-4446
E-mail: info@southcoastmission.com

Looking for great people to work at South Coast Mission!! We pay $1000-$2000 per week and you get Bridge and auditor and admin training to Class 8 totally free!!!!

Willing to train for Administrative Posts and Tech posts! No experience needed! We just need you to be motivated and a hard worker!

Previous training is always a plus!

Looking for motivated people to take on the follow!!!

Available positions are:


Number of views:36088

Branding your practice is more vital than you can possibly imagine

brand-design-webWhat is a Brand?
A brand is more than a symbol or a name.

It is fundamentally a promise to deliver something of value that is different from any other product or service.
The symbol or name stands for the quality of what is to be delivered.

The brand is what distinguishes a product from a somewhat similar product. The brand marks the product as different from other products because is has a unique set of characteristics and qualities.

Take the simple hamburger, for example, which generally consists of meat and other things between two buns. The following brand names deliver quite different hamburger experiences: McDonalds, Wendys, In-N-Out Burger, Five Guys, Red Robin, and Hardees.

Once you have tried all of them, you probably settled on one brand and have stuck to it ever since. You know what you are going to get when you order your favorite brand.

What about auditing or counseling in the field? What distinguishes your counseling from everyone else’s counseling? Do you have a brand name that distinguishes your service from every other service that is being offered today?

There are a number of independent counselors who have successful practices and they have created brand images like Life Enhancement Center or Life Improvement Center.
Robert Duscharme’s Clearing Technology is a well known brand in the independent field as is Hank Levin’s Clearing Technology.

There are others in the field like Dexter Gelfand and Trey Lotz who have established themselves as personal brands. People choose them because they consistently deliver unique high quality services.

In my practice, I brand what I deliver and teach as Spiritual Rescue Technology, so there is no doubt what it deals with and what results it delivers.


Number of views:34346

Current State of Affairs in the Field – by Per Schiottz

Per Schiottz is a highly respected auditor who has been contributing articles and comments to independent websites for many, many years. In this article, he has some good advice for those who are still stuck in their Scientology experience even after years apart from the church. If you know of someone who is still in this state, send them this article and it might help them to break free of the malign influence of Scientology, Inc.



Today, 30 years after I left The Church of Scientology, The Sea Org as NOTS Lead Auditor at the AOEU in Copenhagen, Denmark, in the condition of Kha-Khan awarded by Ron, I feel it’s time to address the current state of affairs.


The moaning and the groaning

This is because so many years after I left,I still hear people who left at the same time, moaning and groaning about all the bad things they experienced in Scientology and others who condemn the “FreeZone” saying it’s squirrel and not Ron’s tech etc etc.. I think, that now, 30 years later, some persons need to put all that behind them and snap into the present and get on with life and livingness and help others along too, if they want to!



Live in the past, and you won’t last,

Live in the future, you’ll have no future.

Live in the now, you have the know-how!


Number of views:32214

Did you ever get the idea that Spiritual Rescue Technology was a one shot deal?

http://www.dreamstime.com/stock-images-freedom-d-render-shadow-man-acsending-to-sun-ocean-red-cloudy-sunset-image30582004Did I somehow create the impression that Spiritual Rescue Technology (SRT) was a one shot deal? I did not intend that, but anything is possible.

SRT is a spiritual tool that you should go on using forever, not just once.
It’s free, once you learn how to use it, so for continuing peace of mind and spiritual growth, you should use it every day for best results.

There are an infinite number of active spiritual beings on this planet alone. There are probably 100 infinities of beings who are sleeping or completely unconscious who can spring into action when the right stimulus occurs.

You are constantly surrounded and infiltrated by disembodied spiritual entities so you had better get used to the idea of managing them instead of ignoring them or hiding from them.

If you were exposed to the Scientology OT levels, you were made to understand that with the completion of each level you were pure and fearless and FREE from entities and corruption of all kinds. Sorry! But that was a lie for marketing purposes. The Founder himself, Ron Hubbard, was still battling entities in the final weeks of his life because he chose them as opponents instead of making friends with them.

You can measure a person’s chances of success by whether he seeks opponents in life or seeks to partner with others. Entities are just like those of us with bodies, except they have had some experiences which prevent them from acquiring bodies and playing the game of life.

If you antagonize, irritate, ignore, or invalidate the entities in your vicinity, do not be surprised when your plans do not work out and your life feels like crap. You have caused your entities to have counter intention to your plans and they outnumber you!


Number of views:43428

Scientology Indoctrination is Hypnotism

LRH Close upScientology indoctrination is hypnotism of the worst kind

The disintegration of the cult of Scientology will not free those who have been hypnotized by the skillful indoctrination that Ron Hubbard used to put people under his control and make them resist any recovery from that state.

I have been aware for some time that there were unknown forces preventing some people from observing and absorbing any new data. A recent article by Marty Rathbun shows that others are recognizing what we have been writing about for some time.

Deconstructing Scientology
Posted on September 13, 2014 by martyrathbun09

This is an excerpt from an upcoming book with the working title ‘Deconstructing Scientology.’  It is directed toward those who are considering the possibility of dipping a toe into dianetics or scientology study or participation.  My failures over the past three years in attempting to help former members graduate from the subject informed a whole new line of research into some of the darker arts that L. Ron Hubbard mastered to make people so apparently incapable/unwilling to learn.  


The most diabolically effective form of hypnotism would probably thoroughly convince the subject that it was impossible to hypnotize him.  It seems that only in that case could the idea be implanted that no awakening and de-hypnotism would ever be desirable or even possible. It would inculcate the opposite of the old adage applicable to any reform, or even education, activity that the first step to recovery or learning is the recognition that there is something to recover from or to learn.  If you were thoroughly convinced that you were more awake than virtually all of humanity, there is no chance that anyone could convince you to possibly take a look at waking up.


Number of views:43822

Workable Spiritual Technology – decline and resurrection

This post was first published over a year ago but the message is still current so I am bringing it to the attention of new readers who may not have seen it the first time around.

Priest-movieWorkable spiritual technology is that part of the entire spectrum of spiritual technology that has been tested by auditors/spiritual practitioners in the field and has been found to produce reliable results.  So much of this has been lost or obscured in recent years that it is hard to find auditors who are familiar with the original work.

Spiritual technology has a long history and Scientology had a short phase between 1950 and 1965 when spiritual activity was actively supported by church management. After that the focus within the church seemed to shift to control of parishioner thoughts and actions. Like many religions before it, the Church of Scientology buried the effective actions that helped people and pushed the grand and glorious vision of great cathedrals and mighty works that would bedazzle the multitudes and bring in money.

As a result of this shift in emphasis, we now have the situation where Scientology’s International Management is awash in corruption, perversion and financial irregularities on every hand, much like the Vatican which is the central governing body of the Catholic Church,

There are still useful spiritual resources in the Church of Scientology, but they are as diminished as the Exorcists in the Catholic Church, mere vestiges of a former glory.  According to this story on christianpost.com, priests currently need special approval from their bishop to perform the rite of exorcism and it is rarely granted. Well, to be fair, access to Scientology’s rite of exorcism, the OT Levels, is rarely granted either.

The workable spiritual technology originally developed by Ron Hubbard, David Mayo, Alan Walters and may other professional auditors was altered over the years by arbitrary decisions until it has become a mockery of what it once was.


Number of views:51010

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