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More IAS 2012 Event funnies

This is an e-mail sent out by the Scientology Events Unit announcing DAY NUMBER 3 of the October 2012 IAS-fest.

It doesn’t say what time, or even what date is involved, but I’m pretty sure it’s November 5.

Read over the promo piece that got e-mailed to the gulli-bulls on Scientology’s e-mail list:

From: Scientology Events Unit <[email protected]>
Date: Tue, Oct 30, 2012 at 10:27 PM
Subject: IAS 28th Anniversary Seminar – Monday at the Glendale Civic Center

© 2012 Church of Scientology International. All Rights Reserved.

Mailed from the Church of Scientology International 6331, Hollywood Blvd. Los Angeles,CA 90028


It’s more of the same Scientology Inc misperception that we can’t figure out they had only one brainwashed copywriter penning multiple pseudo-success-stories for a promo piece.

Or maybe it’s more of the same Scientology Inc viewpoint that all Scientologists should be treated in cookie cutter style because they can’t write success stories that differ that much from each other.

And are they really of the opinion that other people’s success stories are an effective impetus for us to crowd, sheeplike, into an enclosed space where we can’t escape the crush-regging tactics of the IAS, Narconon, Able, SMI, Bridge, CCHR, the Way to Happiness Foundation, Gold, the Sea Org, and the myriad other “saving mankind from itself” groups that show up at Scientology Int events to siphon what few pennies you have left in your pocket?

Using alleged success stories gathered from the ozone to entice us to take a THIRD DAY off for IAS shenanigans is also more of the single-viewpoint arrogance cultivated within the barbed-wire-topped parapets of Scientology Inc.

As soon as there’s three days of “celebration” surrounding Auditor’s Day, and only a single evening of IAS pressure, then I’ll consider that the viewpoint of Scientology Inc has shifted its attention onto the right thing.

I really look forward to the imaginative comebacks our readers have for this promo piece.

— written by Plain Old Thetan

P.S. Is this e-mail in its essence any different than the Nigerian Prince scam?

P.P.S. Americans, by now, should be used to the maxim “No matter how many times you use the word winning, you might still be a loser.”

Number of views:4710


Bitter Defrocked Apostate  on November 5th, 2012

Those testimonials were probably written by Karin Pouw. They sound pretty fake.

D'Anne  on November 5th, 2012

3 days!! Egad! One night of this stuff was too much. 3 days?! And, yes, you’re right… it sounds like all those quotes were written by the same guys in the same office. That hadn’t occurred to me that people would lie to that extent… however, going back over it, you can see that none of them are signed and they all sound like copy.

Egad. And the Charlie Sheen video was a great choice to exemplify the insanity of it all. :-) OMG! Thank you. Whew. Glad I’m outta there.

John Doe  on November 5th, 2012

Say it aint so! People go to THREE DAYS of IAS abuse?

Hapexamendios  on November 5th, 2012

Yeah those do sound ridiculously fake. I’ve got a more realistic one for them.

“After sitting through 3 days of this dreck I decided to never give you vultures another dime. Signed, Truly Winning”

On another note, ever wonder why you never see little Davey riding a horse in their videos and posters? Its because every time gets on his Shetland pony he ends up having to declare everyone because they can’t stop laughing!

Rine  on November 5th, 2012

Same old same old… Shamefull and silly.

OTVIIIisGrrr8!  on November 5th, 2012

We in RTC did not, as you allege, have, “one brainwashed copywriter penning multiple pseudo-success-stories for a promo piece.”

The fact is that we had hundreds of thousands of millions of Scientologists writing success stories.

We literally had so many success stories pouring in at the rate of 6,000 per second that Fleet Admiral David Miscavige ordered the IAS to purchase a new five million square foot Ideal Org Success Story Storage Facility Office (IO SSSFO) just to house all of the raving acks from Scientologists scattered across the 15,901 countries of the world.

The new CO IO SSSFO has not been named as the Int Base Org Board remains unfinished pending long duration sec checks of magnitude. This results in delays manning up Ideal Orgs.

We in RTC appreciate your patience in the interim and ask you increase your IAS Patron status as Fleet Admiral Miscavige needs more money for his war chest to ensure a stable emanation points on all continents as the Church expands into the highest ever straight up and vertical expansion ever experienced.

StatPush  on November 6th, 2012

Speaking of Nigerian Scams, check out this article:

Nigerian scam emails ‘deliberately implausible’

New research from Microsoft suggests that email scammers maximise profits by entrapping only the most gullible.

Make you wonder, eh?

Hapexamendios  on November 6th, 2012

OTVIIIisGrrr8, is there no end to your comedic brilliance? “Ideal Org Success Story Storage Facility Office” – that’s freaking hilarious! And that picture is priceless!

Jeff Siebrand  on November 6th, 2012

And he earned those medals how? One for every SP declare or one for every time he hit someone?

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