Possibly Helpful Advice

Including what we found in Scientology before it became a cult

…just like a hole in the head

holeintheheadThat’s right. “You need this” just like you need a hole in the head.

I’ve seen some godawful promo put out by Scientology Inc over the years, but this has got to be near the top end of the atrocious scale.

It’s living proof that Scientology Inc doesn’t survey its promo any longer.

Apparently, the new tech is:

● Find an illiterate self-important douche.

● Get a quote from him.

● Have him pose for a picture that you could put in the dictionary under “douche”.

● Don’t pass it by three people to see how far they projectile-vomit when they see it.

● Just e-mail it out.

● After a month or two, have the epiphany that this promo piece was a waste of time, sit all staff around in a circle and have everyone say at the same time, “we should have surveyed”.

● Forget about the epiphany until the next round of face-shredding from uplines.

The Phoenix Idle Org staff should console themselves with the knowledge that e-mail don’t cost anything. So sending out a promo piece that makes your org and your staff look like dolts won’t waste anything.

Except what’s left of the org’s repute.


—–Original Message—–
From: Ideal Org Phoenix Arizona <[email protected]>
Sent: Mon, Apr 22, 2013 5:29 pm
Subject: You Need This…


Things inside Scientology Inc would be circling the drain, but the sewer is clogged.

— written by Plain Old Thetan

Number of views:1137


Aeolus  on April 29th, 2013

In Jeff’s mind, this command to “buy It” is Tone 40, but he probably shouldn’t have combined it with the graphics of their other promo campaign, “Dare to think for yourself.”

And if buying this book contributes to their dissemination with “unprecedented orders of magnitude” then their previous dissemination efforts must have been really, really weak!

MZF  on April 29th, 2013

What are the loyal donors who are buying these luxury editions doing with them, if they already have the regular hardback version in their libraries?

PlainOldThetan  on April 29th, 2013

Aeolus: Jeff is using the unproven and unpiloted “Admin TRs over the internet”. This bullshit way of attempting to do Tone 40 with a myriad of vias that gets buttered all over the universe is bound to…fail.

He’s also violating the formulas.

The Non-Existence Formula is:

1. Find a communication line.
2. Make yourself known.
3. Discover what is needed or wanted.
4. Do, produce and/or present it.

It doesn’t say to tell people what is needed or wanted, then wait for them to pay for it.

Jeff is following Miscavige’s altered 180-degree-out-of-phase Scientology.

When I was on staff the catchphrase was WWRD? (What would Ron do?)

Nowadays, it’s HCMFIU? (How can Miscavige foul it up?)

MZF: Purchasers of the luxury editions are expected to put them behind bulletproof polycarbonate enclosures and never ever ever read them. Ever.

Dirk Niblick  on May 2nd, 2013

Maybe Jeff can use his money from selling these useless “commemorative editions” to actually arrange for someone to mow the grass in front of the org so it doesn’t look trashy.

Or maybe he could raise money to set up a community service project to get a good name for the org, like feeding the hungry or working with the homeless downtown.

Oh wait… neither of these things involve raising money for COB to store in his offshore accounts or use on useless buildings, so they won’t ever happen.

crane007  on May 8th, 2013

Acceptable Losses

Dear Old Auditor and Plain Old Thetan,

I have to disagree with you on a couple of points. And I have to apologize in advance for my coarse sense of humor. I see Jeff Birch as “one who also serves” as in the quote below from John Milton’s sonnet “On blindness”.

When I consider how my light is spent
Ere half my days in this dark world and wide,
And that one talent which is death to hide
Lodged with me useless, though my soul more bent
To serve therewith my Maker, and present
My true account, lest he returning chide,
“Doth God exact day-labour, light denied?”
I fondly ask. But Patience, to prevent
That murmur, soon replies: “God doth not need
Either man’s work or his own gifts: who best
Bear his mild yoke, they serve him best. His state
Is kingly; thousands at his bidding speed
And post o’er land and ocean without rest:
They also serve who only stand and wait.”

I want the CO$ to stick around. Maybe re-up.

They serve a valuable purpose. More people will think about eternity when they see its possible to have your head up your ass for eternity!

I think we need a good cult. People know what cults are and we can use that to advantage.

For example, when someone asks: “what is Scientology” we can say: “it’s LRH without the cult”.

Lets face it, DM is doing a great job. He’s making Scientology infamous. We can capitalize on that. There are about 7 billion people on the planet and only about 20 thousand in the CO$. These people are “acceptable losses”.

We need one person for every 350 thousand to be in the CO$, causing as much mayhem as possible, making Scientology widely known, so that people
will be curious about the not-cult part.

The rest of the world knows what a cult is.

And the CO$ is getting more cult-like every day. So I say to Jeff; re-up for another billion. Keep up the infamy. You serve a purpose.

On a more serious note, here is the reference to the Bible from Milton’s
Sonnet. Doesn’t it describe what DM did? He hid his talent in a hole in the ground.

Parable of the Talents

The parable in Matthew 25:14-30 tells of a master who was leaving his home to travel, and before going entrusted his property to his servants (property worth 8 talents, where a talent was a large unit of money, as discussed below). One servant receives five talents, the second two talents, and the third one talent, according to their respective abilities.

Returning after a long absence, the master asks his servants for an accounting. The first two servants explain that they have each put their money to work and doubled the value of the property they were entrusted with, and so they are each rewarded: His lord said to him, “Well done, good and faithful servant. You have been faithful over a few things, I will set you over many things. Enter into the joy of your lord.”
— Matthew 25:23, World English Bible

The third servant, however, has merely hidden his talent in a hole in the ground, and is punished: He also who had received the one talent came and said, “Lord, I knew you that you are a hard man, reaping where you did not sow, and gathering where you did not scatter. I was afraid, and went away and hid your talent in the earth. Behold, you have what is yours.”

But his lord answered him, “You wicked and slothful servant. You knew that I reap where I didn’t sow, and gather where I didn’t scatter. You ought therefore to have deposited my money with the bankers, and at my coming I should have received back my own with interest. Take away therefore the talent from him, and give it to him who has the ten talents. For to everyone who has will be given, and he will have abundance, but from him who doesn’t have, even that which he has will be taken away. Throw out the unprofitable servant into the outer darkness, where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth.”
— Matthew 25:24–30, World English Bible

Leave a Comment

8 × two =