Possibly Helpful Advice

Including what we found in Scientology before it became a cult

Q: When is a survey not a survey?

A: When Scientology Inc says it’s a survey.

I’ve written before about the loss of survey technology in the church. And I’ve written about the Scientology Inc Newspeak-alterations regarding survey tech.

In this week’s offensive example of Scientology Inc altering its own terminology, an undercover operative provided us with scans of documents that were sent out to Scientology orgs and Missions.

Take a look at them:


It doesn’t take an Einstein to realize that the document isn’t a survey.

It’s actually a very lazy way of conning people into giving up friends and relatives and feeding them into the Sea Org recruitment chipper.

The “survey” doesn’t gather information about what people want and need.

The “survey” doesn’t gather information about acceptable pricing for materials or services.

The “survey” doesn’t gather information about what people want to see improved in the church or what people want to see gotten rid of in the church.

No, the “survey” seeks to find the names of people that can be sucked into minimum-wage or no-wage jobs in the church under the pretense that they’ll “be in the entertainment industry”. Like Scientology Inc is at all entertaining.

The “survey” also gives us a sense of the desperation that Scientology Inc is experiencing in recruiting people for the Sea Org at Mad Hatter Studios.

Note also the Newspeak-alteration of the word “flooding”. I guess that a “flood” is the same as a “dribble” in a drought.

And claiming that staffing up Mad Hatter Studios will increase dissemination by 100 times is essentially overlooking the fact that 100 times zero is still zero.

Welcome to the Sea Org, by the way.

If you’re some schmuck the Sea Org with some fanciful title reeking of desperation (“Professional Writers Round-Up Project I/C”) you are able to mail things out to orgs and Missions and insist that they do something off-hat on an emergency basis. (“at next muster”, “in 24 hours”).

Why isn’t the project called what it really is: THE ROBOTIC DAN SHERMAN CLONE AND REPLACEMENT PROJECT?

So now, instead of just dumping the hat of donations solicitor on all staff members, Scientology is dumping the hat of “betrayer of friends and relatives” on staff.

I only hope that every staff member who was forced to fill out this…well, it’s not a survey…put the names of no one down.

— written by Plain Old Thetan

Update 07 May 2013

After reading the original post, a reader sent us another example in the “I don’t know what a survey is” sweepstakes. This time from Flag.






Note from the cover letter that they’re still trying to staff the new uber-building.

The longer it takes to staff the Super Power building, the longer it will take.

It is a curiosity that staffing a huge project in Scientology Inc is like trying to fill a bucket with a hole in it.

The more time you ignore filling the bucket, the more “filling” is needed when you finally get around to paying attention to it.

Sea Org staffing is subject to a myriad reasons to leave. Like: signing up for Super Power staff and around scrubbing pots for twenty years. (Hint: VIOLATED PURPOSE is a dev-t point.)

Or dying.

Or getting so sick they force you to route out.

Or suddenly recognizing the con and blowing.

It might be better to open a part of the building and start delivery, then fill in the empty floors with personnel as they become available.

It might.

But that wouldn’t mesh with Miscavige’s self-important grandiose schemes.

In fact, given the reports of the morgue-like aspects of the Phoenix Idle Org over on Mike Rinder’s site, staging the staffing and operations of an Ideal Org would help cure the appearance that the church is as confused as hell about what it’s doing.





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John Doe  on May 5th, 2013

The biggest LOL is that the last two pages has space for thirteen names, as if anyone not only knows that many writers, but is going to alienate them all by giving out their contact info to Sea Org recruiters.

Rine  on May 5th, 2013

How silly! And what devastating MUs on the word “survey”. A part of me is morbidly fascinated.

PlainOldThetan  on May 5th, 2013

I’m not sure it’s an MU so much as its a deliberate alteration of meaning for political purposes. I’m pretty sure that the church discovered people will cough up the most secretive or alarming information if the person being questioned thinks he’s doing a “survey” instead of answering a “give us the names of your Sea Org eligible children” questionnaire.

That’s the essence of Newspeak — alteration of language for political purposes.

Example from a different activity: calling the bombing of the Boston Marathon “man-caused disasters” instead of saying it was “terrorism”.


Or using the phrase “overseas contingency operation” instead of “war on Islamic terrorism”.

Or calling the Fort Hood killings “workplace violence”.


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