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Finding your way after leaving the cult of Scientology

A Story for Those Flying Under the Radar. . .

Another independent surfaces after years of flying under the radar. She is enjoying her new freedom immensely. You have been enjoying her stories written under her pen name of Theodora Farnsworth and today you will hear the rest of her story. ~David St Lawrence

Kathy Elliot

By “Theodora Farnsworth”

My Dear Ones,

I know that there are many of you reading this who are flying under the radar.

That is, you’ve “left” the church but no one knows about it and you are successfully avoiding detection.

I, too, have been doing that for over 4 years.

I was on lines at LA Org from late 1996 until the basics came out in the summer of 2007.

Ever since I had discovered Scientology in 1970 and had experienced a tremendous win delivering Op Pro by Dup to my twin on the HQS Course, I had wanted nothing more than to become a trained auditor and to spend the rest of my days helping others to live better, happier lives.

In 1996, I received an inheritance and plunked down $35,000 for my training package at LA Org.

I felt so fortunate – at the time – that the Golden Age of Tech had just been released and that I was going to benefit from this wonderful new training lineup.

I eagerly started on the Student Hat and for the next 11 years I attended course in the LA Org Academy EVERY weekend, only taking a break to go for an “OT Debug” on the Freewinds.

You would think that I should have made it out the other end as a fully trained Class V auditor after 11 years of training but, sadly, no.

Maybe on the “old” course checksheets this would have been the happy result but not so with the Golden Age of Tech.

After 11 years of struggling, I had had enough. I routed myself to Qual and demanded a study debug session. This was duly delivered and I handled all of the upsets and frustrations that had piled up in the past decade of training. It felt GREAT!!!

I originated that I wanted to do the Book One course in Div 6 and just audit people without all the complications of an emeter, etc. until I had certainty that I could do this one simple action.

It was while I was happily studying in Div 6 that the Basics came out.

I had to start the Book One course all over using the new book, and of course I had to pay for the new course since the old one was no longer valid. I protested but no one wanted to hear it.

I completed this course and was ready to return to my Academy training.

Whoa, Speedy! Not so fast!

I was informed that I would have to do ALL the Book Courses for ALL the books that been on my Academy Level checksheets. And, of course, I would have to pay for these courses.

I grimly bit the bullet, flew through the courses and was finally ready to resume training.

Ha! Dream on, Grasshopper.

The course supervisor and the D of T now informed me that I had to do all the rest of the book courses before I could restart my auditor training.

I protested, but to no avail. I was told that I really needed to do these courses in order to become a really good auditor. It was pure, unadulterated BULLSHIT. I stood there, looking at these two men and I just couldn’t believe what they were saying. And I KNEW THAT THEY DIDN’T BELIEVE IT EITHER!!! They had become nothing more than puppets, mouthing the words of someone else in order to sell more courses.

At this point, I was DONE with LA Org. DONE. DONE. DONE.

And, looking back, I think this was the turning point for me. I realized that it was all about money and had nothing to do with creating auditors. I decided then and there to leave and never come back, but I was smart enough to keep my mouth shut.

I knew that I couldn’t just walk away from the church. I knew they wouldn’t “let” me. I knew that I would be hounded and possibly even declared if I didn’t keep signing up for the next course and the next course and the next course . . . .

So I negotiated to have them let me transfer to the newly-formed Inglewood org which was only 10 miles from my home instead of 25 miles like LA Org was.

I quietly disappeared from LA org and started on my next book course at Inglewood org, a tiny little org in a dingy storefront space. The carpet was dirty and torn and the “walls” separating the course room from the rest of the org were only black curtains hung on flimsy metal poles.

After completing the next book course, I told the reg that I really wanted to do the Personal Efficiency course. No one at Inglewood Org cared what I did as long as I kept being a stat-producing student and income source for their org. The last thing they wanted was for me to go back to LA Org. And by this time, LA Org had forgotten about me, assuming that I was still on the basic courses.

Just as I was completing the PE course, a whole “new” Book One course and DVD were released. I ran my eye over the checksheet for this new course and saw my “out”. At the end of the checksheet for the course was an “internship”. The newly graduated student was required to go out into the field and audit Book One on raw public for 6 months, after which time he was supposed to return and attest that he could audit the process with certainty.

I went through all the motions, got through the course, made everybody super happy with yet another completion and left to do my 6-month internship.

The time passed. I wasn’t missed. I’d done it. Escaped. And no stigma attached to my “leaving”.

Eventually the OES at LA Org called me to see what was happening. She wanted me to come back and complete my training. I sadly told her that my eyesight had gotten so bad that I could no longer read an emeter. This was a blatant lie but because I am “elderly” and because I had maintained my credibility with everyone, this statement wasn’t questioned.

She then tried to sell me something. I told her that I had no money and that all my credit cards were in collection. This was true. I had overextended myself when I had been pressured to buy the Congresses and the Basics. Then the economy had crashed and my job had gone up in smoke.

That was the end of that.

No more calls.

I was out of the church and flying under the radar.

BUT . . . I was still somehow a part of it.

After 40 years (including 3 years in the SO), it was impossible to stop being part of it.

I was saddened that I was no longer to be an active part of this group that I had supported and loved for so many years. I missed the friends I’d made while on course for all those years.

Then, on Nov 10, 2010, someone sent me a copy of Luis Garcia’s 27 page letter which he wrote to David Miscavige declaring him a “full-blown suppressive person” and in which he states, “. . . I am hereby resigning from the Church of Scientology, because you have managed to hijack it and have turned it into a squirrel group.”

At first I was in shock. Here was this OT VIII, extremely upstat Scientologist, attacking DM.

But in his letter, Luis presented his case against DM very sanely, complete with specific LRH policy and how DM had grossly violated that policy. Everything he said made sense and aligned with what I had observed for myself since 1996.

I started to “lurk” around the internet sites created by the independent Scientologists.

I discovered the blogsites of Marty Rathbun, Mike Rinder and David St. Lawrence.

I bought and read all of Marty’s books. Having been in the SO, I knew what Marty was talking about and I felt he was telling the truth. I too had left the SO because of the utter suppressiveness and insanity of it.

Also, a good friend of mine had been uplines and had observed first hand a lot of what Marty writes about.

I had known David St. Lawrence personally when he had run the mission in Redondo Beach. I admired and trusted David. I knew he really cared about helping people and that he wouldn’t have just walked away from the church unless there was a valid reason for doing so.

I felt like I had found a new group of friendly people whose intentions and purposes aligned with mine regarding spiritual freedom.

I still lurked.

I had to.

I had my own business and one of my main clients was a devoted Scientologist who was very active in the church. And he and his family were my good friends. I didn’t want to lose this friendship or the income from the business he brought me.

So for 4 years – from Nov 2010 to Nov 2014 – I have been in the closet, not telling anyone that I have left the church.

In Aug 2012 I took my first step to being an active “Indie”. I got in comm with Trey Lotz, an Indie field auditor, and asked him to send me the forms I needed to fill out so that I could get auditing from him.

It took almost another two years to screw up enough courage to actually go and received a session from Trey, a declared “SP”.

Wow! What an experience! No stops. No hassles. No pressure. Just pure theta and high ARC and tech being correctly applied. It was amazing!

But Trey was located in LA and I had moved out the area. I couldn’t keep traveling up to LA every time I wanted a session. It was over 100 miles each way.

I had read David St. Lawrence’s blogsite and knew that he delivered sessions via the internet. I got in comm with him and asked him how that worked and he explained it to me.

On May 13 2014 I had my first session with David and it, too, was amazing. Very theta. Fun. Relaxed. We laughed a lot.

David then asked me to write articles for his blogsite. He said that I could help many people by relating, in a humorous way, my experiences as both a public student and as a sea org member. He said that too many people were holding onto their upsets with the church and that I could help them to see the funny side of this whole mess.

I started to write these stories under the pseudonym of Felicia Farnsworth. I had to be VERY careful about how much I revealed in my stories so that no one connected to the church would know who I was. I kept the stories light and silly. I’ve always preferred comedy to soap opera! Writing about my experiences in this way proved to very therapeutic for me. I heartily recommend it to all of you.

However, I was still flying under the radar and it bothered me that I was being completely two-faced. My Scientology friend/client believed me to be a Scientologist in good standing and here I was, secretly ridiculing the church under a cloak of invisibility.

Then my friend started serious progress on his bridge. This included hours and hours of objectives, even though he had completed his objectives years ago. I knew from my training that this was horribly wrong.

My friend then went to Flag to get super power, and I could tell from his evasive answers to my questions about this cycle that he was not happy with the results.

I felt like I was betraying him by not telling him where I stood and why. It was like watching someone drown while you are holding a life preserver in your hands. He may not want the life preserver but he should at least have it thrown to him.

Finally, I was working on a project for him – writing up hats for every post in his organization – and things came to a head. Since his company is a WISE company, this meant plowing through the OEC volumes to get references for the hat checksheets. I was no longer in agreement with all the policy that LRH had written since I had seen how destructively it had been used by everyone in order to control people. I knew it was going to be used that way in the future. I hated the project and I hated myself.

My personal integrity was at a new low.

I got sicker than a damn dog. And I hadn’t been sick in years.

I had to do something!

I wrote a letter to my Scientology friend, telling him exactly where I stood regarding the church. It was a very caring letter in which I told him of my concern for his financial and spiritual well-being as long as he was connected to the church. I included a copy of Luis Garcia’s letter, hoping this would open his eyes.

I also told him that I knew he would have to disconnect from me once the church knew of my position and that I would understand.

Once I had sent this, I felt such tremendous relief!

Now I didn’t have to hide anymore. Now I didn’t have to be careful about what I said in my blogs for David.

I was free – truly free – at last!

Free to fly ABOVE the radar!!!

***************************

happy childSo who is Theodora Farnsworth?

Hi, everybody – it’s me – Kathy Elliott!

Number of views:44660

18 Comments

Caesar Alarcon  on December 3rd, 2014

I was in a similar position and I regret I didn’t do it earlier. Welcome to the free world and I am glad you made that choice. Great story and thank you for sharing

D'Anne  on December 3rd, 2014

Right on! You have empowered yourself to create whatever you want in your life! Well done. I hope your still-in friend wakes up. Please let us know if that is the case.

katherine owen  on December 3rd, 2014

Congratulations, Kathy!! Isn’t life wonderful now??

TommyJ  on December 3rd, 2014

#KathyElliottRules

janedoe2  on December 3rd, 2014

Kathy Elliot, I am so proud of you! Your integrity is sky high because you took a stand and left and told why you did If your friend doesn’t act now on it, don’t be discouraged. He may act in 6 months a year or whenever and you helped. Welcome to the sunshine! And I know Trey Lotz and he is a great auditor!

scrane  on December 3rd, 2014

Congratulations Kathy. I hope your friend will consider what you wrote.

Sindy Sloan Fagen  on December 5th, 2014

Kathy Elliot, great story. It was a pleasure to read — sincere, important and funny at the same time. I can tell you would be fun to hang with. 🙂

I am so glad you are now out and free to speak your mind. Boy that Basics evolution shoved a lot of people out — myself included. After that it was impossible to say the emperor had clothes.

Yay! Welcome out.

Doug Parent  on December 5th, 2014

Congratulations Kathy for deciding to live on terms that are in accordance to your values and principles. It is highly probable that thousands of people like you were, “hiding” while only maintaining appearances to avoid persecution. and having their alliances, affinity and communication cut. David Miscavige sealed the fate for the Scientology movement. The only option is to follow your example, leave. And kudos to you for doing so publicly, for it will empower other Scientologists to dare consider the same action as well.

Kathy Elliott  on December 5th, 2014

Dear Caesar,
I’m so glad you liked my story. I would love to hear YOUR story. Write to me!
Kathy 🙂

Kathy Elliott  on December 5th, 2014

Dear D’Anne,
My “still-in” friend is wrestling with the situation. He very much wants to maintain our relationship but I sense that he is far from being able to take the first step toward free thinking. I’ll let you know how it goes!
Kathy 🙂

Kathy Elliott  on December 5th, 2014

Dear Katherine,
YES! Life IS wonderful now! It has taken me several days to realize that I’d been living in fear and was therefore completely suppressed. The sunshine outside of my little cave feels sooooo good!
Kathy 🙂

Kathy Elliott  on December 5th, 2014

Dear TommyJ,
Thanks!
You rock!
Kathy 🙂

Kathy Elliott  on December 5th, 2014

Dear Jane Doe 2,
Thank you!
Yes, my friend has only just begun his journey out of the labyrinth. I know it may take months or even years. My hope is that his high regard for me will help him to at least start LOOKING instead of just listening.
I’m so glad you know Trey. He is one of the best auditors I’ve ever had.
Kathy 🙂

Kathy Elliott  on December 5th, 2014

Dear Scrane,
Thanks!
I know my friend is thinking about what I wrote. Right now he is struggling with it since he is still connected, but hopefully he will “wake up” and join all of us.
Kathy 🙂

Kathy Elliott  on December 5th, 2014

Dear Sindy,
I don’t know where you live but we could definitely hang out via email! Write to me! I’d love to hear from you and everyone else in the Free World!
It is so nice to be able to communicate openly and freely with people again!
No, it was impossible to say, “LOOK! The emperor is NAKED!!” wasn’t it? LOL!!!
Too many guards standing around with sharp spears!!!
Kathy 🙂

Kathy Elliott  on December 5th, 2014

Dear Doug,
Thank you so much, Doug! Yes, I hope that others will come out of “hiding”, too. You are SO right – DM is destroying Scn by squashing people instead of allowing them to become more able. Can we say, “SP”?
LOL!
Kathy 🙂

alice  on December 6th, 2014

mazel tov!

Cece  on December 8th, 2014

Welcome out Kathy! Thank you for your story. Thank you for no longer being a part of the problem. Another hole in the dike for the cult that thinks it’s a church. Hope you can still make a living OK. There is lots of help out here if you need anything just ask 🙂

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