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The Downside of Gaining Awareness

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As a Scientologist you put youself at risk when you gain greater ability and awareness through auditing and training if you are not ready to step up and assume greater responsibility for your actions.

I have seen this in others and have definitely experienced this personally. Let’s say you become much more able and aware because you have confronted your past and gotten off heavy overts (harmful acts of comission or omission).  For the first time in your life you feel comfortable looking people in the eye and talking freely to them.

Your space opens up and you stop holding yourself back. Someone tries to suppress you and you blow them off without a second thought. You find yourself offering suggestions on how to improve things and not getting caved in when others try to make you keep quiet.

Life is good and you begin to feel quite powerful, in a good way.

You are more likely to see the other persons point of view, even when you don’t agree with it and you finally realize that you can see their mental image pictures most of the time.

The interesting downside to all of this is that you also begin to see that many of the things you have done for a long time are actually overts that you are committing on others.

(Until you do the Way to Happiness course and co-audit, this may be quite unreal to you.)

Once you realize that you are committing overts of comission and omission, you start withdrawing in that area of endeavor. You start withholding your overts from others and this starts you on a downward spiral again.

If you have managed to get yourself up to a fairly powerful state, as on your OT levels, a single falsehood can cause drastic changes in your case state.

This is what happened in my case. I was getting advice from a scientology lawyer about the handling of a stock transfer and he suggested that I predate the transfer to reduce the tax effects. I thought little of it and agreed to change the date.

Then… I started thinking about it on the way home. My vision started changing and my world seemed to be squeezing in on me. Everything started to get grayer like the sun was going down.

I realized that I was experiencing this sudden decrease in awareness because of my decision to change the date on a tax form. I would be lying and the charge would have to be handled in session like all of the lies and other overts I had gotten off in past auditing.

When I thought of how much money it was going to cost me to repair my integrity, I realized that I had just done something incredibly stupid.

I called the lawyer and told him to put the date back as it should be and my space opened up immediately.

Since that time, I have realized that greater responsibility comes with awareness. What you consider an overt changes as you become more aware so the old rules of behavior need to be revisited and revised after every round of case gain.

Failing to do this causes a collapse of awareness and personal power and a return to the dwindling spiral from which Scientology technology had freed us. I see this pattern repeating again and again when people on the bridge to freedom commit overts and begin to withhold themselves from life.

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2 Comments

The Downside of Gaining Awareness  on November 25th, 2009

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Colleen K. Peltomaa  on December 8th, 2009

Dear Old Auditor,

You are so right about needing training and support to balance one’s life with one’s new self. Soon after I got a Clear key-out I broke off a piece of Ivy plant from a customer’s ivy-covered back yard. Now I know they would have said yes if I had asked them (or would they — they were sort of downtone), and I felt a shrinking in my space that I would never have felt before my auditing. How sensitive I have become!

Whenever an as yet unhandled polarity shows up as an evil purpose I have learned how to temporarily key it out until I can get it as-is’d in my sessions. Before I knew how to key-out my case I could only feel ashamed and resist it. Learning to use the e-meter and keep oneself cleaned up in between sessions really helps me.

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