Possibly Helpful Advice

Finding your way after leaving the cult of Scientology

Let it not be said that the Independents don’t appreciate bloody humor

[The object of this Pilot’s Posts series is to give an insight into the Pilot’s communication in his heyday, before the “Church” of Scientology could find out who he actually was and thus have the opportunity to “get to him”. One aspect was humour, and his weekly posts sometimes had an item from him intended to be humorous. They varied. Here is one from 1998. That is a long time ago. What he talks about was the Los Angeles orgs and environment, and things were different then. He had a better familiarity with Shakespeare’s Macbeth than I have, and Scientology’s buildings in Los Angles 🙁 . But here it is. See what you make of it :-), Ant   http://articles.ivymag.org/

P.S. in this case Ant has not tried to correct the Pilot’s spelling – something he was famous for.]

Super Scio Humor – THE IDES OF MARCH

The Loyal Officers hiding in the 4th dimension have
intercepted a film clip which might be of interest,
especially in light of the upcoming March picket.

So they asked me to pass it along.

Have Fun,

The Pilot

Scenes from Shake and Bake’s latest box office sensation:



Clip #1 –

The 3 Fates of Norse Mythology, known as the Norns appear
shrowded in smoke. Their faces are revealed as the
smoke clears –

Flo Barnett who weaves the thread.

Paulette Cooper who measures it.

And Lisa Macpherson who cuts it.

They sing: “Double, double, toil and trouble,
we’ll cut his thread and burst his bubble”.


Clip #2 –

Miscaviagus is addressing the assembled staff at Helmut.

“Friends, auditors, missionaries, lend me your ears.
I come to bury Hubbard, not to praise him.
The evil that men do lives after them;
The good is often interred with their bones;
So let it be with Hubbard.”


Clip #3 –

A great armored limo is pulling up at the Ceders complex.
Uniformed Sea Orgers surrond Miscaviagus as he disembarks
from the vehicle.

Two others in SO uniforms flank the top of the ASHO stairs
and whisper.

1st Sea Orger: “The upstatmobile hath arriven”.
2nd Sea Orger: “T’were better dubbed the ratmobile”.
1st Sea Orger: “T’were better to speak no harm of Miscaviagus here”.

DM pushes in front of the crowd below and begins to mount
the steps.

An old crone with a scarf covered head shambles forth and
shakes her arm at him. DM looks toward her and she pulls
back her scarf.

As the scarf falls away, it is revealed that this is really
Gary Scarf in drag. He anounces loudly “BEWARE THE IDES
OF MARCH”. DM begins to shout as Scarf scuttles away.

DM: “Thou hast within thee undivulged crimes,
Unwhipt of justice, hide thee, thou bloody hand”.

As he shouts, the 1st Sea Orger whispers to the other:
“Now the hungry lion roars, and the wolf behowls the moon”


Clip #4 –

Miscaviagus is walking through the tunnel beneath the
street which links the ASHO and AO basements. He sees
a skull lying against the wall and picks it up and
addresses it.

“Alas poor Yurick, I RPFed him”.

Then he laughs gleefully, tosses the skull back to the
ground, and resumes walking.

Suddenly there is a gust of wind and Hubbard’s gost

Gost: “Murder Most Foul!”.

DM: “Thou hast within thee undivulged crimes”.

Gost: “Get thee to a Zoo”.

DM shrikes and runs away down the corridor.


Clip #5 –

DM is in the warrens beneath ASHO and a crowd of RPFers
are slinking towards him. One steps forward and says:

“Doth an RPFer not bleed?”

DM: “Thou hast within thee undivulged crimes”.

The RPFers shriek and run.


Clip #6 –

An army of picketers crowd LRH Way between ASHO and AO.
The great blue buildings tower around them.

A closeup shot of one of the sticks holding a picket
sign reveals that it is stamped “Birnam Lumber Co”.

The camera swings to the top of the ASHO steps
where Miscaviagus stands with his chronies.

1st Chronie: “The Prophesy! Birnam wood to the
complex doth come! Alas, all is lost”.

DM ignores him and is rubbing his hands as if washing
them. He says “Out Damn Spot” as his chronies gather
around and hustle him inside.


Clip #7 –

DM has fled to the complex at Helmut. Crowds are
storming towards the fences. He runs within a
building and enters “The Planetary Control Room”.
Soon he is joined by his coven, the 12 who rule
the organization on his behalf.

They file in silently and surround him. They are
Heber and Lesevre. Rinder and Yaeger. Rathburn
and Spurlock. Mithoff and McShane. Lenske and
Harris. Starkey and Schomer.

Miscaviagus looks around with fear in his eyes.
The tension is high. Then he strightens his back and
looks to Ron’s picture for a moment. Finally he
turns back to the crowd, hoping to inspire them to
sacrifice on his behalf.

DM: “To Squirrel or not to Squirrel, that is the question.
Whether ’tis nobler in the mind to suffer
the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune,
or to take arms against a sea of troubles,
and by opposing end them?”

He indicates Ron’s picture and begins the traditional
cheer, raising his fist into the air on each word.

DM: “Hip Hip …”

The 12 then raise their fists, but the fists contain
daggers. They shout “Hurray” and charge Miscaviagus.
He disappears under them and gives a single mornful

Then the crowd backs away and DM is revealed bleeding
upon the floor. He looks up and utters his last

“Et Tu Rinder?”.


The Loyalist Officers have provided this as a public
service. It represents events on a parallel time track
in another universe and may not be representative of
events here on Earth.

A Planetary Control Room was known to exist back in
the late 1960s, but this tradition might not have
carried into modern times within our own universe.

The identities of the leaders are also slightly
speculative, however the central comittee is know to
have 13 members as in a witch’s coven.

Loyally Yours,

The Loyalist Officers in 4th Dimensional Hiding

Number of views:7246

One Comment

SomeoneElse  on May 30th, 2012

OK, I LOL’d.

Well done, that Pilor..

Leave a Comment