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Finding your way after leaving the cult of Scientology

Independent Scientology Auditing Adventure and Win

One of my new preclears  wishes to share his observations of the difference between his church experiences and his experiences as an Independent.

His church experiences were far different than mine because he kept asking questions and wouldn’t be stifled. I had the same questions but I was convinced to keep them to myself, which is why it took me 35 years to leave the church and it took him a very short time to decide he needed to go elsewhere.

He is quite new to the Independent field and writes under the name Sam U. I think you will enjoy his story as I did and will look forward to future installments.

Independent Scientology Auditing Adventure and Win (Part I)

by Sam U

I have just started receiving services from an Independent auditor who delivers LRH tech and I’d like to express the differences in between these services and the services I received from the Church of Scientology. It is not my intent to demean the efforts of hardworking staff, but I would like to capture the differences while they are fresh in my mind.. This is a small glimpse into what I’ve observed so far and a personal win worth reporting.

This is what I’ve observed:

Dianetics Auditing and the Co-Audit Promise

At the COS you are shown a key that unlocks a door to spiritual freedom.  You are shown that key when you get your first auditing win, which is usually enormous.  In fact, many people that I’ve audited went exterior their very first time and couldn’t quite put it into words what they were feeling (there’s an HCOB about why not to continue down this line called “Blows Auditing Past Exterior” I’ll bring up below*). In fact when I first started auditing, I didn’t even know what exterior was because I entered into Dianetics and Scientology just like many others through a weekend seminar.

From my point of view, all a PC knows of his first Dianetics session is that he exploded out of the chair with laughter.  He has this huge realization (cognition) about why he hates dogs, or why he’d get sick every time they saw a military uniform or he’d smelled something that reminded him of Uncle so and so…etc. It is all very real, isn’t it?  He’s looking at the world differently.

So now you have this win and you want more, Great!  But more of what? Here comes the Registration Officer (which you later discover is called a Reg), and hopefully you get on a public course to understand a bit more of what you’ve just experienced in the auditing chair.  And while on your course you learn through many smaller reg cycles that what you are seeking is the key to Clear and that key opens a locked door to being OT.  All the while you are implanted with a thought that only the Corporate Church of Scientology has the Tech to free you as a being.

But really, it was LRH and those who helped him with his research. I remember reading in Dianetics it was a gift and that no one has a monopoly on spiritual freedom — the exact reason why I have such a high affinity for LRH.  That is or should be an Axiom for Scientology, but suffice to say it is an Axiom of LIFE.

Now you have this thought and the Church has forgotten to grant you beingness, because maybe you already know what a Clear is and what an OT is because you’ve experienced it and just haven’t been acknowledged.  Maybe going exterior within your first few sessions of Dianetics you just didn’t realize it.  I know that LRH has recognized this phenomenon because I surely couldn’t have been the only one to see this.  Maybe you have too?  The problem is that in the Co-Audit Dianetics room, supervisors are very low on the grade charts and lack the training necessary to spot these phenomena.  Supervisors are trained to keep you on that “one” engram.  I once was berated because I asked my PC “what are you thinking” (in present tense voice as it pertained to the PC and what she was looking at in the incident) as you could clearly see that in this incident she was calculating something.  The supervisor, in the middle of this session wrote on my clipboard and told me that I was evaluating for the PC.  I later directed him to lists of perceptions one has in auditing which among those included conclusions and later referred him to AP&A

Dianetics is NOT important to the Church of Scientology because not one of those Co-Audit Sessions were ever reviewed by a C/S.  If they were in your area, please feel free to list it below in the comments section.  I only assume that this is true because my org is a Class V

So you trudge along hoping to have other big wins.  Maybe you do, maybe you don’t.  Maybe you have wins but there just not as big as that first one or maybe along the way bits of invalidation begin piling up from ARC breaks created unknowingly by staff members.  You don’t care you just keep plugging away because you know that once you get that key to freedom you can handle anything especially if it unlocks the door to a Knowingness about Universal Domination of the OT levels (insert a playful maniacal laugh here!)

Lack of Freedom of Speech and Thought is Invalidation

Then one day you are fed a giant spoonful of invalidation, because you’ve asked too many questions that might sound like this:

Why do you have to do buy all these books?  Can you just get them one at a time?

Why do you have to read these books in order when there are veteran staff members going through the same Dianetics course?

Why do you have to repeat a course if you’ve already taken it?

Why have you been on staff for 20 years and you’re not a Clear?

Why is this place empty?

How many Scientologists are there?

Why does LRH write in this book says it takes 100 hours to make a clear and I’ve seen people at it for decades?

If Dianetics isn’t as good as Scientology then why do we start on the co-audit course?  Why sell me Scientology Auditing?

Why should I go into debt to pay for my Bridge?

Can you guarantee that I will be clear after 2 intensives?

Why is there so much negative stuff about Scientology on the web?

Why did you make this grand and lavish new building (Ideal Org) and you can’t afford to pay the staff?

Why do I get all these phone calls from 10 different people about the same thing?

Why are you always trying to get people to go to FLAG?  Can’t my Ideal Org process me?

The big one for me was having a high level executive (Sea Org) tell me that, “maybe I was being too critical.” If by critical you mean that I’m being too curious about how it all works then, yes- or you don’t know the difference between critical and curious. I immediately followed up that remark up with the following, “Thank you for the big delicious dose of invalidation!” He apologized immediately, but I could care less at that point.

 

An HCOB That I Later Found

This is what indicated for me and as the Universe would have it. It just appeared as I was thumbing my way through the Red Vols and that was because I was told that my problem is an M/U with Dianetics, although none were found.

The title is BLOWS AUDITING PAST EXTERIOR. LRH writes:

I have found a major cause of blows from classes, orgs and Scientology.  Overts are of course a primary cause but many have overts and don’t blow, so why do such people blow?

A case audited past exterior, particularly if it is not acked, tends to get stuck on exteriorizing.  This can (but doesn’t always by any means) cause the person to take himself away! (What I now know about exteriorizing is what many of the Dianetics PCs experience after a great win. Some of them cannot even walk because they report that the space around them seems “different”, “Enormous”, ”Brighter”, “Wider”, etc.)

Three recent “blows” all fell in this category.  One who was trying to blow, when audited on interiorizing, changed his mind.

An amazing number of pcs go exterior on modern auditing. Modern processes, Dianetics and Scientology are very fast.

(This next line is crucial in understanding.)

Some haven’t even realized it, didn’t know what it was.

When they go exterior and you keep auditing them without running interiorization as per HCOB 4 Jan 71R, Int RD Series 2, EXTERORIZATION AND HIGH TA, THE INTERIORZATION RUNDOWN REVISED, they become stronger as thetans while being reinteriorized and they get odd somatics, particularly in the head. 

(Incredible, this is exactly what happened to me in Dianetics, but with more emphasis with pain in my legs than my head.  For the PCs I audited they same things happened to them, but what we were told by the Supervisor is:  What turns it on turns it off, so we ran more Dianetics auditing. When this happened to me it took 8 years for me to run out one whole track incident)

Uncomfortable they want OUT. (More like it hurts like a Mother F@#$) Trying and failing (since interiorization has not been run) in desperation they leave an org or class, body and all, without being exterior as a thetan. (This is the sad part until you meet an independent auditor that is willing to grant you beingness)

If you rehab exterior and run an Interiorization Rundown the dramatization ceases.

The excuses such “blows” give you would fill a large book.  Yet it is only that they are seeking to exteriorize, can’t, so they “exteriorize” by leaving, body and all.  (Thank God! This happens. Because of it didn’t for me, I’d be left in a state of struggle or even apathy about my case within the Church of Scientology.)

 

I Have the Key and I’m In the Room

 

Independent Scientology auditing has given me my freedom. I discovered, after my first session, that the Church of Scientology never held the key, I always did.

The room is the OT levels and they are a blast. In fact the room really isn’t a room it’s more like a space that you create and you can make it as large or small as you want.  You can make it with or with the existence of time even.

I’m no longer worried about asking a question about this or that.  I’m no longer invalidated with my wins.  I do regret not having Dianetics PCs to audit, but I do have many other beings that need my help, so I guess it’s a trade off (that’s a joke in reference to the OT levels which I’m sure you’ll discover on your own).

Finally, I’d like to say thank you David St. Lawrence for being my auditor and for applying the spirit of freedom LRH would surely approve.
~ Sam U

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3 Comments

ronbible22  on September 18th, 2012

Sam U. I duplicate you! David saved my life as well. And like you I audit many many other beings. Very well done to you and your auditor.

SamU  on September 18th, 2012

Thanks Ron!

bob90805  on March 25th, 2013

I went exterior on oppro by dup on the roof of the old ASHO building on Temple Street. Later I blew the Sea Org. I also had problems with high TA and was audited with foot plates. (the use of foot plates were later forbidden) I left the CO$ 30 years ago and will never return. I can’t thank you enough for the correct indication. I read the HCOB mentioned above and it has given me considerable relief. Next I will find a good independent auditor to run this on me.

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